Laura’s father phone the very same time I arrive home. It’s unusual but not out of the blue. I’m pretty sure what he’s going to tell me, and, as much as I hesitaste to pick it up, I also know that this call is going to be a major turning point in my life, so it’s not like I have any option but to answer.
He doesn’t give any time to say a thing before he talk. “Laura’s dead”.
“I figured that”. I’m not surprised, not really. She talked about her death regularly, so I had have a lot of glimpses to digest it pretty fine when the time’ll come.
We keep silent for a while, both trying to order our thoughts to share. “This is all your fault, you know that, don’t you?”
That’s a fair possibility. I was not the best boyfriend. I used to fire her up when she needed a cool down. Doesn’t matter how much do you love someone if you let them down when they need you. And I did that a lot to Laura. But –there’s always a but, right?– you can’t be blamed for someone else thoughts, can you? She wanted to die; talked about it a little too much. She had razorblades hidden in her room. Once in a while she swallowed too many pills; it doesn’t matter what she was trying to fix, she just did it.
Right for the first time we met, I know that this day will come. “I know that you’re upset right now, but I don’t think that’s necessary… I take all the blades and pills from…”
“No, you asshole”, he says not very friendly, which don’t surprise me at all. “She doesn’t kill herself. She loved you too much for that, God’s know why. You bought her that stupid second hand car. The brakes failed and she went right to another car. So her death is on you. And the other car’s passengers are in ICU, so that’s on you too”. I want to say something, anything, but I also know that I can’t and shouldn’t. “I hope you fulfill your promise to Laura and go after her soon”: He hangs up right after the last letter came off his mouth, but I’m already looking for one of Laura’s razorblades.


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